How to forgive yourself for something unforgivable?


How to forgive yourself for something unforgivable?

How to forgive yourself for something unforgivable? Forgiveness is often defined as a deliberate decision to give up feelings of anger, resentment, and revenge on someone you feel is wrong with you.

What is self-forgiveness? What are the steps needed to forgive yourself?

How to forgive yourself for something unforgivable?
How to forgive yourself for something unforgivable?

Aside from forgiving others, an important component is self-forgiveness, it has been found that most people forgive others more easily than forgive themselves.


  • What does self-forgiveness mean?

  1. Step 1 - Accept and take responsibility
  2. Step 2 - Verify the regret
  3. Step 3 - Repair the damage and restore trust
  4. Step 4 - Focus on future re calibration

  • Benefits of Self-Forgiveness
  • Challenges of Self-Forgiveness

We as a whole commit error, and the majority of us judge ourselves cruelly. Learning from mistakes, progressing and especially the ability to forgive yourself is an important step towards a balanced life and good mental health.

What does self-forgiveness mean?

Self-forgiveness is neither a lack of demands nor a sign of weakness. The act of forgiveness, whether you forgive yourself or someone who has wronged you, does not mean agreeing to wrong behavior, but accepting it, coming to terms with what you have done and moving on with your life, without endlessly pondering the events you can no longer change.

A therapeutic approach to self-forgiveness points to four main stages, called the four R's of self-forgiveness: responsibility, remorse, restoration of trust, and re calibration into the future.

Step 1 - Accept and take responsibility

Pardoning yourself implies more than moving on to bigger and better things and continuing on. It is about accepting what has happened and showing compassion towards yourself.

Dealing with what you have done or what has happened is the first step to self-forgiveness. This is the hardest thing to do. If you have apologized, wanted your actions and become aware of the motives behind them, it is time to accept them.

By taking responsibility and accepting that you have done actions that have hurt others, you can avoid negative emotions, such as excessive remorse and guilt.

Step 2 - Expression of remorse

After taking responsibility, you may experience a number of negative emotions, including guilt and shame.

When you have done something wrong, it is perfectly normal, even healthy, to feel guilty about it.

These sensations of responsibility and regret can be the ideal preconditions for a positive change in conduct.

While guilt means you are a good person who did something wrong, shame causes you to see yourself as a bad person, which will cause feelings of worthlessness. When left unresolved, they can lead to addiction, depression and aggression.

remember! The missteps we make don't make us a terrible individual and don't change who we truly are.

Step 3 - Repair the damage and restore security

Correction is an important part of forgiveness, especially when the person you forgive is yourself.

When you feel you have done something to make up for it, it is very possible that forgiveness will be easier. Correcting mistakes helps escalate feelings of guilt.

It may seem that this stage of the process only benefits the victim, from whom you apologize and try to correct, but the main advantage for you is that you remain calm in the knowledge that you have done everything you can to correct the mistake.

Step 4 - Focus on future re calibration

Forgiveness also means finding ways to learn from experience and grow as a person. To do this, you need to understand why you acted the way you did and why you feel guilty.

What steps could you at any point take to forestall a similar way of behaving from now on? Any experience, even an unpleasant one, can be a lesson in helping us get better in the future.

Benefits of self-forgiveness

Mental balance

Forgiveness improves well-being and increases self-esteem. Many studies have shown that when people practice self-forgiveness, they experience lower levels of depression and anxiety. Similarly, self-compassion is associated with higher levels of success, productivity, and goal focus.

Physical health

Forgiveness can have a positive effect on your physical health. Studies show that forgiveness can improve cholesterol levels, reduce body aches and blood pressure, and even reduce the risk of heart attack.


An attitude of compassion and self-forgiveness is a crucial component in successful relationships.

It is important to be able to build close emotional relationships with other people, but it is also important to be able to repair those relationships when things go wrong.

Challenges of self-forgiveness

Why is self-forgiveness so difficult sometimes? Why do people often continue to punish and scold for relatively minor mistakes? When we engage in actions that are inconsistent with our values ​​or beliefs, we may experience feelings of guilt and remorse.

Some people are naturally more inclined to ponder, that is, to think too much about a situation, which causes them to insist on negative emotions.

The fact that self-forgiveness involves acknowledging injustices and acknowledging the need for change can make the process difficult.

It can likewise be more enthusiastically for individuals who are not yet prepared to change to genuinely excuse. Knowing that something needs to change in them, some people are tempted to ignore or justify their behavior, blaming external factors.

Self-pardoning is by and large seen as a positive activity that reestablishes self-assurance. However, there is also research that suggests that sometimes self-forgiveness can have a detrimental effect.

The main turmoil of self-forgiveness is that it can sometimes reduce empathy for those who have been harmed by a person’s actions.

Although self-forgiveness often alleviates feelings of guilt, there are situations where this inner focus makes it difficult to identify with others. This can be tried not to by intentionally practice sympathy.

Excusing individuals who have harmed you can be a test, however sympathetic yourself can be unthinkable eventually. It is important to remember that learning how to forgive is not a one-time process, but an ongoing process.

It is never simple, however chipping away at this type of self-indulgence has numerous medical advantages.

As well as decreasing pressure, sadness and uneasiness, self-absolution can likewise decidedly affect the actual body, psychological well-being and social connections.

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